I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
