Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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