Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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