You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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