just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
