Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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