woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
