hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
