I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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