Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize