I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
