and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
