come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
