It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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