Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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