I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
