I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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