Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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