I CAN MOONWALK!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
