and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
