But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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