remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We talked him into tasing himself.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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