Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
