so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
