We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
