My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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