I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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