im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
