So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
