me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
