i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
