textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
