WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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