id be glad to
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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