..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
