someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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