All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
