she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
