I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
