just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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