I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Ladies don't puke and tell
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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