So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize