I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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