Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
