well I can't set my house on fire every night
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
don't judge my taste in strippers
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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