I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
