Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
