you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
