Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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