All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
