I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
even my farts smell like vagina
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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