you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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