I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
it's like heaven, but drunker
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
