Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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