my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
