for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
