Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
