I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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