Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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