I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
