I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
