hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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