we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
