She is in my trunk
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
