i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
