So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
