just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize