I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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