Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
How's work?
Spinning.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The uberlube is also flammable
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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