How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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