Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
