It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
