There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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