i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
