she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize