strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
