Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
