I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
