READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dear god my vagina.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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