yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
