so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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