she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He passed out mid-signature
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
