what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So I just went to clothing optional bar
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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