There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
