I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
