the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
