Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
