No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
