and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Everyone says I win the strip club
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
