I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
