you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
