why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
