Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
