vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize