i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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