She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
