remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
