fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize