It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
