they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We're too hungover to prance.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
