if i can run in heels then i can drive
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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